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What's the deal with "Cry It Out"?

One of the most common questions I get as a sleep consultant is will I recommend the Cry It Out Method. 


The answer is no I won’t but there seems to be a huge misunderstanding around what the cry it out method actually is. It has become intertwined with sleep training but very few, if any, modern day sleep consultants would ever recommend this method….if you can even call it that. 


Cry it out was a term that became popular in the 1800’s……so not exactly up to date research! It was discovered in orphanages, where you would have a room filled with rows of babies in cots and they would be put in the cot, the door would be closed and no one would return until morning regardless of the cries. The babies would learn that no matter how they communicated their needs, no one would respond so they would give up, feeling abandoned and go to sleep. Totally barbaric and not something that would ever happen in this day in age, or I certainly hope it wouldn’t but definitely not the advice a qualified sleep consultant is going to give you. 


So where does the assumption that sleep training involves “crying it out” come from? 


I don’t love the term sleep training as it sounds harsh and rigid when in actual fact all sleep training is, is finding a consistent way of responding to your little one to help support them to learn to fall asleep independently. 


There are different methods of supporting your baby to learn to sleep and yes some of these methods will involve some crying…..mainly because crying is how babies communicate and how they alert you to the fact they need you. Sleep training is about establishing a routine and responding consistently to your little one so that they learn it is safe to fall asleep independently but if they need you they can let you know and you will be there to support them, establishing a strong bond and secure attachment.


Some babies will learn to sleep independently without the need for any sleep training, others may need a little bit of support and some will need a lot of support. They will all get there in the end but for the ones that need support, sleep training can be very effective in reducing the length of time that sleep is a struggle. We all know the benefits of getting good sleep so it is in the best interests of the baby and the sleep deprived parents if they are equipped with sleep training methods to help the process along.


When coming up with a sleep plan I would always start from the stage the baby is at currently. So for example a baby that is placed down in their cot in their own room at night, falls asleep independently but wakes for a 2 hour window in the middle of the night is likely to be able to cope with their parent putting them down at bedtime and leaving the room and only returning if the baby is crying and needs them to return. Whereas, a baby that is currently co-sleeping and fed to sleep would not be at the stage of their parent being able to put them down in a cot on their own and leave the room and so this would never be the expectation. This is why having a sleep consultant is far more beneficial than reading about sleep training methods online. Yes all the information is available online but having personalised support allows you to tailor your response to your individual child, your parenting style and your preferences. 


Babies and children generally thrive on routine, when you as their care giver suddenly change your response they will likely protest by crying, lets face it, no one likes change but once they get used to your new response and even better start to predict what your response will be they become comforted by your reliability and the crying stops. If you have a child that is struggling to sleep currently and you are trying everything to get them to sleep but not being consistent or predictable, it is highly likely that your baby will be having some tears at bedtime or through the night already. Being able to recognise why they are crying and what they need from you will actually reduce the amount of crying long term rather than increase it. 


In summary, no I do not ask parents to leave their baby to cry it out but if the question is will my baby cry when sleep training, the answer is almost 100% yes. This is normal and how babies communicate. Will they cry anymore than they already do?…..probably not. Will it be damaging to your baby or affect their bond with you?…..absolutely not.


Baby crying in bed

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©2022 by Wee Sleepy Ones | Certified Baby + Child Sleep Consultant, Glasgow

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